from
A Drama in Two
Acts
by
Jennifer Kollmer
Act 1 Modern-day
Act 2 The same, 10 months later
|
Lisa |
Beautiful and chubby, 35. |
|
Stacey |
Lisa's best friend in junior high. |
|
Jessica |
In her early-mid 30's, a self-described rock-and-roller. |
|
Jo |
Jessica's best friend, 33. |
|
Tina |
Lisa's mother, in her mid-50's. |
|
Also |
|
|
|
|
Scene 1. LISA, STACEY, and TINA in the living room and kitchenette in Lisa's cramped apartment. The place is a mess: dirty dishes are piled in the sink, and papers clutter the countertops and table, where space has been cleared away to accommodate three chairs and a highchair. A jumble of toys and clothes cover the sofa. A near-empty can of chocolate frosting sits on the kitchen counter. At the table STACEY and TINA drink coffee, and LISA plays with her empty mug. LISA wears baggy pink hospital scrubs.
STACEY
Tell him you’ll call your lawyer.
LISA
He knows I wouldn’t do that.
STACEY
You should do it.
LISA
He’s just having some bad luck. It’s not like he meant to—besides, it takes money to hire a lawyer. You have to get this retainer thing.
TINA
Well, maybe we could come up with something. How much is a retainer?
LISA
We all know I'm not going to sue Rob. All right, Mom?
All three stare at/play with their mugs.
STACEY
Last week this announcement shows up—all embossed and shit—and I’m trying to figure out who could possibly be getting married. Turns out Kelly’s daughter is graduating from kindergarten.
TINA
How cute!
STACEY
So now you have to give kids presents for making it through kindergarten? It’s not even really school.
TINA
You suppose they get little kindergarten diplomas?
LISA
Probably.
STACEY
I am such a sucker for little Kaitlin. Next thing I know I’m at the Toys-R-Us looking for a Barbie cap and gown or doctor set or something that encourages her to graduate for real someday. But they’re wiped out.
LISA
The kindergarten graduation rush.
STACEY
All they’ve got left is pink Chanel
suits with plastic poodles and this
LISA
Christmas when I was five, the only thing I wanted was Barbie’s wedding dress. It came with a plastic cake.
TINA
Judy Winston’s daughter is getting married next week. At St. Michael’s.
LISA
Which daughter?
TINA
The youngest, I think.
LISA
Ellen?
TINA
The only one who’s not already happily married.
LISA
What did you get for Kaitlin?
STACEY
The fairy princess set she wanted for Christmas.
LISA
Why fight it?
STACEY
It’s so wierd. Barbie taught us to think of major events in terms of outfits. So then we grow up and start buying clothes for ourselves, but somehow we still think that if we get the outfit, we get the event, too.
LISA
Like how these fabulous duds mean I’m in for another night of glamour at Scioto Hospice.
STACEY
Like how I was sure buying that strappy thing would get Michael to take me dancing.
LISA
What sort of accessory would these come with anyhow?
STACEY
A halo.
LISA
A bed pan.
STACEY
You weren’t just my mom’s favorite, you made it easier to be there.
LISA
Thanks.
STACEY
And not just because she remembered you from when we were twelve. All the patients love you.
LISA
I try to help, I guess.
STACEY
You do help. That’s something to be proud of.
LISA retreats to the kitchen.
TINA
Don’t think I don’t remember when you were twelve. Who’d have thought you’d turn out so well?
STACEY
Well, you haven’t changed a bit, Mrs. Ryan.
TINA
Tina. Where are you and—oh, darn, what’s his name?
STACEY
Michael.
TINA
Where are you and Michael living these days?
STACEY
Not far from your place. Just the other side of Miller.
TINA
Good elementary school by there.
STACEY
Well, sure, I guess that’s why we bought the place.
TINA
A house where your kids can walk to school, just like you and Lisa did.
STACEY
That’s what Michael thought.
LISA
More coffee? [no one answers] Okay.
As she refills her mug from her Mr. Coffee, the phone rings. LISA answers it.
|
TINA I wish Lisa could find a place in STACEY Really? I’ve heard these are just fine. TINA But STACEY Maybe by the time TINA I hope so. |
LISA Hello? No. I don’t know who’s on call. It’s not on the board? Oh. What’s wrong? Uh huh, uh huh... Of course he—he just doesn’t want to hear. Yeah exactly. I know, I know. Tell you what, I’ll be in at six. Have him talk to me then, okay? Okay, thanks. See ya. [She hangs up.] |
LISA
Work.
TINA
Judy’s girls look so happy on Sunday. Their husbands, too.
LISA
Maybe.
TINA
If you went more regularly you could see them yourself and you might know what I’m talking about. It’s not just about Christmas and Easter, you know.
LISA
I’m a little busy these days. Sunday mornings are just—you tell her, Stacey.
STACEY
Getting up isn’t as hard as I thought.
LISA
You’re going again?
STACEY
I started going with Mom. I always figured I would once Michael and I got settled in anyhow.
TINA
They’re happy. The Winston girls. All four of them.
STACEY
I thought there were five Winston girls.
TINA
I wasn’t including the one who isn’t married yet.
LISA
Well, there’s a difference between looking happy and being happy.
TINA
I can tell
the difference.
[Beat] You know, I don’t think it’s right for you to wish the Winstons
ill, especially right before a wedding.
LISA
Mom! I didn’t wish them anything, I just mean that, as an outsider, you don’t know how happy someone is, how happy anyone is, for real, unless you’re them.
TINA
Because now if there’s a tragedy or an accident or something else happens, you’re going to feel terrible.
LISA
Nothing’s going to happen. It doesn’t work like that.
TINA
We’d better hope not. And all because you’re jealous.
LISA
Mom, I’m not—
STACEY
Nobody’s jealous of those Winston girls, Tina. This isn’t junior high.
TINA
But they’re so pretty, and their husbands are doing so well…
LISA
Look, I'm sorry about the hundred dollars, okay?
TINA
I don't mind loaning you money.
LISA
I’ll just use a credit card or something.
TINA
You’re not going to buy groceries on credit. What was the excuse this time?
LISA
He's having a tough time at the shop. I already said it was okay. I'm sure he'll make it up next month.
TINA
Like he did this month.
LISA
He will. He has to turn it around some day.
STACEY
He does?
LISA
And anyhow, I may be getting more money on my own soon.
TINA
You’re getting a promotion?
LISA
Oh, no. I'm kind of looking into some stuff on the side.
TINA
What?
LISA
Cosmetics.
STACEY
Yeah?
LISA
This article in the Dispatch said lipstick sales are going through the roof right now. Did you know the Lauders are worth almost as much as the Rockefellers? And Esteé started her business in 1946.
TINA
You want to start a business?
LISA
No, nothing big like that. I guess I was just thinking of selling some stuff during the day.
STACEY
What, like
LISA
I don't know. Maybe. What's wrong with that?
TINA
Nothing, so long as you don't buy more than you sell. Remember the Girl Scout cookies?
LISA
Mom! I was nine. And Stacey ate more than I did. Geez!
STACEY
[overlapping, after “than I”] You lie!
TINA
Elisa Danielle…
LISA
She did so.
STACEY
Yeah, I probably did.
TINA
I'll have to take your word for it, Stacey.
STACEY
You should think twice before getting into some kind of sales thing. Companies don’t get rich paying too much commission.
TINA
A year ago Eleanor was telling everyone in the office how her daughter was starting some cosmetics company. We all thought, oh great, now we’re all going to have to buy some because she’s the boss, but we never heard about it again.
LISA
What kind of cosmetics? Makeup or soap and stuff?
TINA
I have no idea.
LISA
Makeup would be more fun.
Maybe I should get in touch with her and see.
TINA
I’m sure it’s a waste of time.
[Beat]
LISA
Oh, Mom, it’s a quarter after.
TINA
Shoot. Father Tim must not be kept waiting. I gave you the diaper bag, right?
LISA
Got it, Mom. [hugging her] Have fun.
TINA
[to Stacey] Don’t you be a stranger.
STACEY
I won’t.
TINA
I always liked her. Okay, tell my little angel Grandma said bye-bye when she wakes up.
LISA and STACEY
Bye/See ya/etc.
TINA exits. LISA loiters by the empty can of icing.
STACEY
You have a distorted sense of memory. I remember what happened to those Thin Mints.
LISA
She was ambushing me.
STACEY
Yeah, well, that doesn’t change history.
LISA
She’s always ambushing me.
STACEY
I’m sure she doesn’t mean to.
LISA
I guess.
STACEY
And I meant what I said about the
LISA
I know.
STACEY
And nothing changes the fact that you should sue the bastard.